Meet Daniel & Lisa
Married for 12 years. Two kids. Busy schedules. Their date nights? Mostly looks like deciding who’s getting up first when the toddler cries at 2 AM.
Lisa sighs, “I just want more romance.” Daniel groans, “I just want more sleep.”
Sound familiar? Marriage can feel like a beautiful, God-ordained, sanctified… rut.
But here’s the truth: Love doesn’t disappear—it just needs a spark. This Valentine’s Day Week, let’s reignite that spark.
Therapist’s Take (That’s Me!):
Lisa & Daniel—y’all aren’t alone. Love thrives on intentionality. So instead of waiting for passion to randomly show up (spoiler: it won’t), let’s get practical with the 13 Intimacies of Marriage.
In this blog, I’m giving you FREE or LOW-COST daily challenges that go beyond surface-level and actually build deep connection. Ready?
The 13-Day Marriage Adventure Challenge
1. Emotional Intimacy – Feeling Seen & Understood
Challenge: Tonight, set aside 10 distraction-free minutes for heart talk.
One of you share a struggle, fear, or worry. The other? Just attends. No fixing. No advice. Just listening and validating.
Use this phrase: “That makes sense why you feel that way. I can see why that’s important to you.”
Why? Feeling heard = feeling loved. Connection grows in the space where understanding happens.
2. Intellectual Intimacy – Growing Together
Challenge: Each of you pick one book, sermon, podcast, or TED Talk that impacted your thinking.
Share one insight you got from it. Ask your spouse: “What’s one idea that has shaped how you see the world?”
Why? A mind that grows together, stays intrigued.
3. Recreational Intimacy – Fun That Bonds
Challenge: Try something neither of you has done before.
Switch roles for a task (husband does hair, wife plays video game).
Play a two-player board game.
Take a “first-time challenge” (cooking blindfolded, dancing in the living room, etc.).
Why? Laughter restores joy and makes marriage feel like a team sport again.
4. Spiritual Intimacy – Faith That Unites
Challenge: Pray for your spouse or speak a blessing over them using Scripture.
Option 1: If you’re comfortable praying aloud, do it!
Option 2: If praying aloud is tough, read a Scripture blessing over them, like Numbers 6:24-26 or Philippians 1:9-11.
If you’re not faith-based but still want to do something meaningful for your spouse, you can take a similar approach of offering a thoughtful and uplifting gesture. Here are some alternative ideas:
- Affirmation: Write or speak affirmations over your spouse, focusing on their strengths, qualities, and positive attributes. Let them know you appreciate and value them deeply.
- Encouragement: Offer words of encouragement for the things they are working toward, whether it’s personal growth, career goals, or dreams. Let them know you believe in their abilities.
Why?
A marriage that prays together stays anchored in grace.
A relationship built on mutual support, understanding, and shared intentions remains strong and resilient, even through life’s challenges.
5. Aesthetic Intimacy – Beauty in Togetherness
Challenge: Go for a walk or drive and point out three beautiful things.
You could focus on nature, architecture, or even moments of quiet beauty in everyday life.
Why? When we train our eyes for beauty, we notice more of it in our marriage.
6. Work Intimacy – Partners in the Everyday
Challenge: Identify one household task that your spouse usually does and do it for them—without being asked.
If your spouse always makes the bed, you make it. If they manage the grocery list, take it over for a week.
Why? Serving each other reminds us: we’re not just co-parents, we’re co-laborers in love.
7. Crisis Intimacy – Remembering Your Strength
Challenge: Recall a difficult season you overcame together.
Say: “One thing I admired about you during that time was…” Thank your spouse for how they showed up for you.
Why? Looking back at God’s faithfulness in hard times strengthens your bond today.
8. Communication Intimacy – Feeling Heard
Challenge: Set a timer for 5 minutes and let your spouse talk uninterrupted.
No fixing. No interrupting. Just attentive listening. Respond with: “I hear you saying…” (then summarize).
Why? A simple conversation without distraction builds deep connection.
9. Conflict Intimacy – Arguing With Love
Challenge: Choose a low-stakes disagreement and practice fighting fair.
Take turns stating your perspective without interrupting.
Say: “What I hear you saying is…” (before adding your own thoughts).
End with: “Even though we don’t agree, I love and respect you.”
Why? Healthy couples don’t avoid conflict—they learn to navigate it with love and respect.
10. Sexual Intimacy – Reignite the Spark
Challenge: Take turns sharing one memory of an intimate moment that made you feel close.
Ask: “What’s one way I can make you feel desired this week?” No pressure, just connection.
Why? Desire grows when we talk about what makes us feel loved and wanted.
11. Financial Intimacy – Trusting in Provision
Challenge: Have a money talk—but make it safe and positive.
Discuss one shared financial goal. Celebrate one financial win (even a small one).
Say: “One thing I appreciate about how you handle money is…”
Why? Finances can divide couples, but shared goals bring unity.
12. Creative Intimacy – Playfulness Sparks Joy
Challenge: Write a love story about how you met (as long or as short as you want… but make it dramatic (like a soap opera, a medieval tale, or an action movie).
Read it out loud for extra fun.
Why? Playfulness and creativity make marriage feel fresh.
13. Commitment Intimacy – Reaffirming Your “Yes”
Challenge: Write your spouse a one-sentence love note and hide it somewhere unexpected.
“I still choose you.” “You’re my best ‘yes’ every day.” “I’d marry you all over again.”
Why? Small words have big impact.
Pro Tip: Find What You’re Looking For
Here’s the thing: We find what we focus on. If you look for what your spouse isn’t doing, you’ll find it. But if you start looking for what they ARE doing?
That moment they took out the trash? Say thank you.
That random hug? Receive it fully.
That attempt at flirting (even if it was awkward)? Flirt back.
And reward their efforts in THEIR Love Language:
❤️ Words of Affirmation? Say, “I noticed that, and I love it.”
❤️ Acts of Service? Do something nice in return.
❤️ Physical Touch? Give that extra hug or kiss.
❤️ Quality Time? Put your phone down and be present.
❤️ Gifts? Even if it’s just a sticky note with a heart—it counts!
Want more time, tips, and help connecting? Let’s chat.
Let’s be intentional in bringing the adventure back into our marriages, one faith-filled moment at a time. You in?
Written by Nadine Thompson – Marriage and Family Therapist, and Registered Psychotherapist